I was saved and knew God forgave me for my wrong doings. I accepted His plan for my life, but there were things I still hadn't overcome. For almost 18 years I secretly held on to the pain of sexual assault, rejection, and growing up without my father in my life. In order for me to subdue these things, I first had to become naked--which was something I always feared.
Before giving my life to Christ, I avoided dealing with my pain. I knew the wounds of my past weren't properly healed, but I became comfortable covering them with bandages. Bandages meant, I did not have to deal with the wounds--neither did I have to look at them. I wanted to forget that they were even there. Whenever the bandages wore out, I would just replace them.
God brought me to a place of solitude. He wanted to get me alone to show me "me." God began to strip me from everything that was keeping me from Him. The things that I used to keep me from facing my pain were no longer within my reach. And since I gave God my life, I didn't desire to turn away from Him. I made a decision to draw myself to God instead.
As I became intimate with Christ, He began to minister to the very core of my brokenness. One night I decided to plan a date with God. This particular evening, I put on my dancing garments, and ministered to Him as I did every Sunday morning. After dancing, I knelt down at the side of my bed, while opening my study session with a prayer. As I grabbed my pen and journal, I opened my bible to Song of Songs.
That night God revealed that I had built a wall up over the years. Although I hid my pain from others, He could see right through me. Honestly, I was afraid of opening up to others. I feared being misjudged. That night, God showed me there was nothing for me to be afraid of. I was safe with Him. The Lord showed me that I was in the arms of a Savior whose love was grounded on a solid foundation. I didn't have to hide. I could talk to Him because He wanted to hear what I had to say. He wanted me to voice the pain I held in for years. Because of the intimate time we spent together, I knew I no longer had to go outside of Him for healing. He is all I ever needed.
"Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. My beloved spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.'" -Song of Solomon 2:9-12 NIV
Perhaps you too have built a defensive wall--a wall so high and thick, no one can get through to you no matter how much they try. Even so, Jesus still stands gazing through the windows of your heart. And He says, "I understand you've been hurt in your past. I know your wounds are severe. The damage is there, but I want you to let me in.'" He wants you to know that you're safe with Him. You don't have to hide from Christ. Loved one, you can trust Jesus.
God has removed everyone that has hurt you in the past. He now has you to Himself. Understand that this is a season of rejoicing for you. Christ is not like others who have broken your heart. He will never let you down. Jesus is meek and lowly in heart (Matthew 11: 29), and in His arms there is rest. In His love there is safety, restoration, comfort, and healing.
There is a place of healing God wants to bring you to, but first, you must become naked.
For those of you that are searching for healing and comfort outside of Christ, allow me to encourage you. God is real and very personal. Once I let my pride down, and turned away from the clubbing, marijuana, drinking, toxic friendships and relationships--to pursue a relationship with Christ, I began to experience the power of the cross. Knowing Christ is not about religion, it's about relationship. When you draw yourself to Him, He will then show you why He loved you enough to die for your healing, and the sins you've committed while searching for the healing you thought you could find apart from Him.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. Take My yolk upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST (renewal, blessed quiet), FOR YOUR SOULS. For my yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30 AMP
If this portion of my testimony has encouraged you, please share it, in hope that others too will also be encouraged.