My insecurities led me in his bedroom. And I'd have to admit, I thought this was all it was to my life. Sex. Sex with no type of commitment. Hearing the phrases, "I love you" or "you're my girlfriend," was enough. Sadly, I thought this was it. I thought this was love...
After constantly being told, "If you love me you'd do this, or if you really wanted to be with me, you'll do that," I started to believe it. I thought, if I didn't do these things I wouldn't be "good enough." I remember thinking, "Is this all there is to me? Is my worth really found in this? Because I don't feel so worthy."
After the sex, then came the breakups. It was as if each breakup broke pieces of my heart. I felt used and completely empty on the inside. The truth is, no matter if I compromised or not, I would never be good enough in the eyes of someone whose sole purpose was to use me--then leave. I didn't see it though. I was blind to reality.
After everything was said and done, I felt as if I didn't have much left to give. Regardless of my feelings, God's thoughts were much higher than mine.
5 YEARS LATER...
When I looked in the mirror I saw a completely different person. I saw myself the way God sees me. I saw worth. I saw value. I saw purity. I saw purpose. I must admit, The guys who I thought loved me eventually left, but God decided to stay. He waited for me..
"What did you see in me?" I asked. Then God softly whispered, " I loved you for who you are--they loved you for who you were not."
God showed me, my worth was NEVER found in those sinful relationships, neither was it found in the emptiness of my past. My value wasn't in sex, but it was in the security of God's pure and perfect love. Christ invested His entire life for me. Learning and accepting this fact gave me confidence and enabled me to see my worth and value through His eyes.
"Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness..." Genesis 1:26 -NIV
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14 -NIV
"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed...but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect." 1 Peter 1:19 -NIV
God loves you for who you are. The person God has for you will also love you for who God has created you to be. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not, neither do you have to search outside of God for your worth. You are of great value to God--our Creator. In fact, you are worth so much, Jesus died for you. So if you feel less than because of the decisions you've made--if you feel as if you are not good enough, God says, "Get back up again." He'll bind up the wounds of your heart, and show you who you really are. He's waiting on you..
If this portion of my testimony encouraged you, please share it in hope that others will also be encouraged.
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." Psalm:34:18 -NIV
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3 -NIV
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." Jeremiah 29:11 -NIV